Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Tribute to Chance

I was hanging out with my daughter today, when I heard the Louis Armstrong song, "What A Wonderful World", and I fell apart.  I was so embarrassed crying in front of my daughter, but she gave me a hug and was so sweet.  I used to love that song, until I was on bedrest with my first son, and he used to kick every time he heard it.  I thought he loved it, and would love it when he was born.  Unfortunately, that day never came, as he died an hour and a half after his birth on September 29th, 2000.  That song used to bring me to tears, until a few years ago, when I could finally get through it after hearing it through countless weddings, ect.  But today, for some reason, it snuck up on me again.  Every bone in my body longs for him.  I often think how he would be in fourth grade this year, and I think how he would be such a good brother to Miles and Virginia.  Maybe it is selfish to long for a third child when so many people can't even have one, but I do.  I long for the baby I lost.  I long for him every mother's day, every birthday, and every once in a while, on days like today, when I think of how wonderful it would be to have him.  This is to every one who lost a baby, every one who wishes they could have one, and even to those who cancelled a birth on their own, and think of it every day....I love you Chance...thank you for being my son...if even for only an hour and a half.

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